The day has come!

Just finished my final exam about 6 days... I got some feeling... That i might failed some subjects...Well, Thats true...

Today, I just get some called from my college...

Raveen: "Hi, Chin kuan, i am Raveen, This is a called from NIO."

" I know it"

"Sorry to tell you that you need to resit for Math 2 paper."

"Uhmmm, Okay, well, need to paid 500 for the resit paper??"

"Yup, You need to!"

Haiz, such a short conversation make me mad... What to do?? 500 gone. Luckilly i din spend all my money yet. I not surprise, Cause this is not the first time i failed.. Especially for math, I really hate math, for no reason.. Actually i gave up the night b4 i go for the exam.... Haiz.... I promise myself i will be more hardworking next time!! I won't failed any other subjects next semester!! I have more pro subject to study next time, like Clinic, PR, Optometric instrument, ocular disease..... Feel like i cant handle all these things.. Can i?? People always tell me to trust myself.. I tried many times. I can't... i know my biggest enemy now is myself... Then how?? Go killed myself?? Stupid!! Why i have all those stupid toughts? Paranoid... Always thinks so much!! No one can help me now, only myself!!

I really cant figure out what am i doing recently. I had no interested anything in my life.. Not a single thing.. Last time i used to interested playing online games, watching video online, hang out with friends.. But... Now i not interested in single thing.. My life just likeEMPTY!!

My soul had gone, no where, I cant get back my soul....... i try... Perharps one day, i might change... Hopefully.....




Well!! Good Night Everyone!!
Feeling better when i share all my feelings and put in my blog!!

Troubles

She is cute.

She is caring.

She is very talkative.

She is funny.

She is lovely.

and She is childish.

She is my Grandmother. 82 years old this year. Lot of wrinkles crawling on her face, but she always look young for me. She softspoken. She always want grab our attention to her. She always do things that is unreasonable, funny and always want to my mom angry. But all these things are seem history of my familly.

Recently, due to her health condition, she had to stay with us. As first, i tot i was good to another familly member joinning us, but i was wrong, it actually causing a lot of trouble to our familly. Now our familly, had to take care of her from day to night. We bought her wheelchair. Now i suspect her Alzheimer disease, She now always forget things. She forgot our names b4, that made us more worry. We have to remind her plenty of time what had she done. Her attidude totally change now, she just like a children that keep complaining things, mumbling to herself, love to play games that even a child din't play. ( for example she love to collect tissue paper. -.-"") I think most of my friend that noe me well noe that i have serious familly problem, because of that, my parents always having bad mood... But still she still always talking loudly, mumbling, complaining she dun have food to eat, etc etc. My mom almost crazy, she want to sent her to old folk house. It seem so bad, but she din't. I noe my mom wont do tat, it just because the stress....

Yesterday, once i came back, i saw her almost falling down, luckilly i came back on time, she sat on the ground. Doing nothing. She can't stand up. Almost wanted to cry. I am so worried, and i cant do anything to help her. I saw her keep trying to stand up. When i want to help her, she will say dun worry, i will stand up myself.

....... 1 hour later she still cant stand up, i feel myself really useless, i want to grab her up and put her in the bad, everytime i help, she scream for pain... And she got osteoporosis, i scared if i use too much of energy will break her bone. So have to call people to help. I was thinking why i so useless.. zzzz...

Afterthat, after my sis bf helping her up, she was ok now. She come to thank me for yesterday, she was grateful that she was grateful that i was come in time, and she said i am the dearest grandson of her.. Oh my! What i had done?? i just stand beside and doing nothing.. Why she always proud of me... Proud of what?! Haiz, i feel very very sorry to her. Now what i can do is take good care of her..She always apologize to us, causing so much of trouble. I really understand she not purposelly. That is how kind my grandmom is. May the god bless her! Hope she healthly always.....